Suffocating
by Niriiun
Summary: Now that everything has been resolved with Haruka, Rin has begun to make peace with himself. Nitori, on the other hand, realizes that Rin will soon be abandoning him. Rintori.


So originally I wanted to put this into chapters but then the prologue turned into a chapter and then that chapter turned into three so I just threw it all into one big oneshot now please enjoy. /scuttles away.

The beginning is in Rin's POV and then it shifts to Nitori's. This story has a minor OC, simply there to play the bad guy. Warnings; noncon, language, dirty talk, implied suicidal tendencies, abuse, and lemons.

* * *

><p>"Are you ... gonna go to Iwatobi now?"<p>

The voice startled Rin from his thoughts, the older male lowering the book he was holding in his hand. Nitori was unusually close to the desk, staring at his senpai with unreadable eyes. He seemed ... lost. "I was considering the possibility. It'd be nice to catch up with the rest of them." That didn't appear to be the answer that Nitori wanted. A shadow passed over his face, before he chased it away with a bright smile; Rin almost missed it. "That's good, Matsuoka-senpai! I'm sure they all miss you."

The grey-haired boy turned back to his desk and quickly snatched up a pencil, scribbling away at whatever bit of homework he'd been tasked with for the night. Rin studied him for a few moments longer, knowing that something was obviously wrong, yet not wanting to call Nitori out on it. "It'll be alright if I can come and watch you swim sometimes, right, Matsuoka-senpai?" He waited a few seconds before answering; he didn't know Iwatobi's visiting rules. "I dunno. Iwatobi might be strict about it like Samezuka. Guess we'll just have to wait and see."

Rin returned to his book a few moments later, but he wasn't really paying attention to the words. His eyes were still trained on Nitori's back. The boy would write for a few moments, before his hand faltered and fell still, pencil hesitant above white paper. After seconds, it would resume it's function, scribbling down answers and notes. This continued for a while, before Rin was startled from his staring by Nitori suddenly standing. "I'm going to go get a drink. Want something, senpai?" He looked away from those blue eyes, shaking his head. "I'm fine. Just be careful on the way there."

The younger male hurried from their shared room, face dusted with pink and pace tense. That struck Rin as a little odd. He slipped from the bed and glanced at the book Nitori had been staring at for the past hour. It wasn't homework from any class that the older one recognized. In fact, it just looked like gibberish. Something caught his eye, however, making Rin pause. The word was smudged out, like Nitori had tried to erase it, but his roommate hadn't done a very good job. Half of it was missing, but Rin could still understand the first two letters. S and H. What could that mean? Hearing footsteps from down the hall, he made his way back to his bed and slipped back on it, acting the same as he had when Nitori left.

Nitori shuffled over to the desk without a word, which was unusual, and got back to work with his weird notes.

* * *

><p>It was about a week after that when Rin decided to make his way to Iwatobi. Well, <em>decided<em> was the wrong word. More like _forced by Nagisa_. That made him smile though; his friends really did care about him.

He waited until Nitori left for some party to start packing; he didn't want to trouble his roommate anymore than he had to. Rin started with what little clothes he had, followed by his bed sheets, and then his books. When he came to everything else, he paused, staring at the cupboard. A small silver bracelet lay there, inlaid with blue and purple stones. It wasn't his, so what was it doing there? Maybe Nitori lost it? Rin set it on his roommate's desk without a word and went back to packing.

By the end of the day, he was done and had already moved his things to his new home. Tomorrow would be his first day at Iwatobi, and to be honest, he was a little excited. He'd get to swim with everyone again.

Just as he was about to leave, Nitori came rushing in, clearly bursting with a story. But as soon as he spotted the state of the room, his face drained of all color. He glanced at the empty cupboards and spotless bed before looking to Rin. Oh right, the older swimmer had forgotten to tell Nitori that he had made up his mind; this was probably a big shock. "Finally decided to go to Iwatobi, and I didn't want to trouble you, so I packed everything and moved while you were away." The boy said nothing, trotting up to the desk where the bracelet had been placed. He picked it up with nimble fingers, Rin noticing the slight shaking within them. "You're not going to take this with you?" Rin pretended to miss the hurt smile that came across Nitori's face.

"I thought it was yours. I found it in my stuff."

The grey-haired boy scratched the back of his head, giving a feeble laugh. "Yeah, I must have ... misplaced it or something." That said, he put it upon Rin's bed rather than the desk. Rin scoffed and picked it up. "You'll lose it again that way. Here, put it on." He snatched up Nitori's wrist and tried to slip it on, but Nitori jerked back with a force Rin didn't know he had. Blue eyes wide with shock and fright stared back at him, the boy's face covered in a slight blush. "I'll ... put it up then," Nitori mumbled, taking the bracelet.

Rin frowned.

"Is something bothering you, Nitori?"

"Of course not, Matsuoka-senpai. Why would you think that?" A nervous chuckle followed.

"You're acting strange. Tell me what's wrong. Now, Nitori." Rin glared at the boy.

Nitori simply stared at his feet. "I-if you don't head off soon they'll lock the dorms, then you'll have to stay here again and probably miss Iwatobi tomorrow." That statement wiped Rin's thoughts from his mind, and he was at the door within seconds. "Forgot about that. I'll see you around, Nitori." Without even a goodbye or a glance back, Rin was out the door and gone.

* * *

><p><em>[1A] Hey Shi,<em>

_That Matsuoka guy finally moved out. You said you wanted to move into that one room right? Well it's open now, so knock yourself out. Oh, and if you do, your roommate is a little on the disorganized side, so be careful._

_-O._

* * *

><p>It had been three weeks since Rin had left Samezuka, and it just didn't feel the same. Nitori stared at the bed where his senpai used to sleep, the bracelet where Rin's pillows used to sit. He couldn't bring himself to pick it up again.<p>

In truth, that bracelet had been a gift to his senpai on his birthday last year. Nitori had gotten a job and saved up just for that particular gift. The sapphires represented water, the amethyst represented Rin's hair color, and the silver was the bond between them. He had found it perfectly suited for Rin. So it hurt when his senpai hadn't known it was his own. It hurt that Rin had locked it away and forgotten about it completely.

Because in truth, Nitori's hero-worship had slowly turned into a different feeling, a feeling that made Nitori's head spin. It burned and hurt and stabbed, and there was nothing he could do about it slowly beginning to happen. Eventually, Nitori learned what it was; he had begun to like Rin more than he should have. At first, the boy felt disgusted with himself, but eventually he started to like the feelings. As soon as he accepted them, Nitori realized he was _in love_ with his senpai. Of course he kept quiet about it; Rin would surely hurt him if he found out.

And with all of Rin's feelings towards Haruka, all of the desire to win, all of the pain Rin suffered through, and all of the want to be better, Nitori knew he didn't stand a chance within the older male's heart. Every space had been filled with some part of Haruka; there was no room for him.

So when he came back to the dorm to find all of Rin's stuff missing, he felt himself fall from a fifty-foot building. Nitori had never thought a day like this would come. Vaguely he hoped that maybe Rin might fall for him too and that maybe they could start something together. It was a long shot, but he could dream too right?

Instead he put on a smile and let Rin follow his dream because it wasn't his place to hold his senpai back. He was simply lucky enough to get placed within Rin's dorm room is all. If the other male wanted to be an Olympic swimmer, then Nitori would cheer for him. If he wanted to date Haruka, then Nitori would smile and be happy no matter how much it hurt. Even if Rin wanted to cut off contact with him for the rest of his life, Nitori would give that little forced happiness and everything would be fine. For Rin anyway.

For the first time since middle school, Nitori crawled into his bed in a room that only belonged to him.

* * *

><p><em>[2B] torrent: Hey, do you think that I might be able to get him to like me? I mean ... He seems happier now so maybe he'll pay more attention.<em>

_misfit: I dunno. Sometimes people are complicated beings, I suppose. Take me for example; I'm in love with my childhood friend, and he'll never know. A different friend of mine likes me I think, but I definitely don't feel the same, so I feel the best way to take away the expectation is to cut him out of my life._

_still_water: That's more than cruel don't you think?_

_torrent: But doesn't that make his hopes rise a little bit more? I mean, he might think you'll come back one day. Why not just explain it?_

_misfit: I'm supposed to be the one giving the advice, kid. Don't go all 'sensei' on me, alright? You can't explain something like that to someone. You just can't. _

_still_water: Why's that?_

_torrent: I guess so. Well, I'm gonna sign out for a bit; I've got some homework to do._

_misfit: Come back if you have any questions._

_still_water: Talk to you soon!_

_torrent has signed out._

_still_water: So you gonna tell me why?_

_misfit: It's easier to move on than handle a broken heart._

* * *

><p>Three weeks shifted into two months, and soon it would be time for summer break. Nitori hadn't heard a thing from Rin; no phone calls, no emails, no visits, no anything. Somehow he was expecting this. With his old friends back, Rin had no need for him anymore. The thought was bittersweet; he was finally happy but had abandoned everything else so easily. Maybe Rin just thought that Nitori didn't need someone to check up on him? How wrong that statement was. Other than the swim captain, Nitori had no other friends. Without Rin there to guide him, his homework and class scores fell dramatically. Without someone to ground him, he lost focus easily and often wandered.<p>

Without Rin there, Nitori lost his will to swim.

Without Rin there, he didn't see the reason to reach towards his goal anymore.

Without Rin ... he was lost.

A voice startled him from his thoughts, Nitori's cheeks staining with color.

"Hey there, my name's Shi, and starting today, I'll be your new roommate."

Nitori turned to look at the male hovering in the doorway. He had black hair that nearly matched Rin's in length, secured with a dark blue ribbon. His eyes were blue, with a strange ring of green around his pupils. Shi was nearly three inches taller than himself. "Um ... my name is Aiichirou Nitori; it's nice to meet you." Nitori had no idea he was getting a roommate. Wasn't someone supposed to tell him about it first?

Shi wandered over to Rin's bed, the younger male scrambling to get out of his chair and snatch up Rin's bracelet. Nitori's cheeks darkened and he returned to his spot, slipping the piece of jewelry into his pocket. "The bottom bunk is yours and any of the empty cupboards. Make yourself at home," the boy mumbled. He gathered up his journal, a single pencil, and some money before standing. "I'm gonna go out for a bit; hopefully we can talk more when I get back." Nitori gave that forced smile, hoping that Shi would buy it, and then snuck out the door.

The boy went to the store, intent on buying some sort of sweet. With Rin gone there weren't as many snacks laying around so he figured it was time to get some of his own. To be honest, he hadn't really eaten much at all. Nitori didn't like eating alone, and without a reason to go get food, he sort of just ... forgot about it. He lifted his hand to grasp a small box of pocky when a sudden voice startled him. Blue eyes glanced around, the grey-haired swimmer spotting Rin and Haruka in the next aisle. Nitori took a sharp breath, eyes wide. It had been two months since Nitori had last seen him, and to see him with Haruka after all that time was something he wasn't expecting.

"Just buy the damn toppo[1] and call it good, Haruka!"

"... I don't like chocolate as much as you do, Rin."

"Find then, we'll just get regular pocky." Realizing where he was, Nitori tried to make a run for it. However, Rin went around the wrong corner and the boy ran right into him. He squeaked in surprise, falling onto his back. His journal clattered to the floor, falling open to a page. The pocky in his hand ended up squished between his palm and the floor.

"Eh? Nitori? What are you doing all the way out here?" Crimson eyes widened and Nitori quickly rushed to get back up, cheeks the color of a tomato. "I-I had to go shopping is all!" Rin looked him over, eyes shifting between his body and his face. His senpai bent down and grasped his journal, scanning the words. Nitori nearly had a heart attack, snatching it from the male's hands. As he did so, the bracelet tumbled from his pocket where it clattered to the floor, making a loud metallic clang. The boy felt his heart sink as one of the sapphires popped free, dropping to the floor so he could scoop it up. He really looked like a mess, and to be honest, he felt like crying.

Nitori tried desperately to get the jewel to go back in, feeling heat sting at his eyes. It only took a few moments of frustration before he was up and running out of the store, embarrassed and upset, journal forgotten on the floor.

* * *

><p><em>[3C] Today Matsuoka-senpai praised me! I was so happy I couldn't stop smiling all day. He's always so nice to me and always helps when I need him to. I'm glad that he wants to put up with me; not many do. It's kind of bad that Rin's my only friend, right? That's my own fault though I suppose. Maybe I need to be more social ... Yeah, that would be good!<em>

* * *

><p><em>So I met someone who can tell me what to do with relationships. Well, online, anyways. He said he's willing to help me understand my feelings. I'm really happy that I have someone to talk to now. Maybe I can work up the nerve to confess to Matsuoka-senpai!<em>

* * *

><p><em>Rin ... left today. He finally went to Iwatobi to follow his dreams. I mean, that's fine, I don't want to hold him back. But ... he could've at least told me ... I wanted to spend whatever time I had left with him before we went our separate ways. Now he can swim with Haruka all he wants so that's good. Look at the bright side of things, right?<em>

* * *

><p><em>I confessed to Matsuoka-senpai today but ... he was asleep ... He was having such a good dream. He looked really happy. I thought that maybe he was dreaming about the two of us but then he said Nanase-senpai's name ... I guess I should know that he would never think of me that way. I'll make do with just being his friend; I'll hide my feelings just like I always do.<em>

* * *

><p><em>I ... I think I'm falling in love with Matsuoka-senpai! That sounds so clique and childish though ... I didn't mean for it to happen but he's just so cool ... He was the reason I even started swimming in the first place. Someday, I wanna be just like him; brave, strong, and a good friend!<em>

* * *

><p>Nitori ran as fast as his legs could take him, frantic and trying desperately to get away. The bracelet was cutting into the skin of his palm, making it slick with blood and sweat. But Nitori didn't care; he just had to put as much distance between him and Rin as he could.<p>

Somehow the boy ended up at the ocean, panting as he fought to catch his breath. Waves lapped gently at the shore, a breeze ruffling his hair. Nitori dropped into the sand, glad that not a single person had decided to visit this part of the beach; no footprints stained the sand. He stared at the bracelet within his hand, the silver stained with red. In his other hand sat the sapphire, sparkling in the late afternoon sun. Why did it have to break? Nitori, despite his shaking, bleeding hand, attempted to put the bracelet back together once more. Again his efforts failed.

The boy made his way to the water and waded in until it was up to his waist, ignoring his clothes. He took a deep breath and began washing his hand off in the water. He hissed at the sting of salt, immediately yanking it back out again. Tears clouded his eyes as he stared at the bracelet. If Rin didn't want it then why should he keep it? Nitori raised his arm, ready to toss it into the depths of the sea when a shout stopped him.

"Nitori, get out of there! You shouldn't swim with your clothes on!" The boy glanced back with shimmering blue eyes, blinking away the tears at the sight of Rin standing at the edge, arms crossed. His journal was clasped in one hand, his senpai tapping it against his hip. Nitori lowered his hands and made his way back to the beach, feeling dejected, almost like a kicked puppy. "Why'd you run off like that, Nitori? We haven't seen each other in like, forever."

The grey-haired boy gave a sheepish smile. "I just ... didn't want to disrupt you and Nanase-senpai is all." _I just didn't want to see you two together._

Rin tipped his head. "Is that the bracelet from before?" Nitori squeaked and hid it, as well as his still-bleeding hand, from view. "U-um, yeah, it is." His senpai held out his hand. "Give it here. I'll see if I can fix it." Without much protest Nitori handed it over, as well as the tiny sapphire. He stared down at the wet sand, feeling the water brush over his toes. His hand hurts really badly but he doesn't want to say anything to Rin; he doesn't feel the need to.

The boy looked up to see Rin's progress, watching as the older male froze. He tipped the bracelet slightly, peering inside of it, before raising his eyes to meet Nitori's. What ...? Oh wait, there was an engraving on the inside! He'd forgotten about it! _'To the best senpai ever! Happy birthday! -Tori.'_ Nitori reached out to take it back but Rin moved his hand away, holding it high overhead. "Please give it back, Matsuoka-senpai!" His voice was a little high and had a whiny tone at the end but Nitori really didn't care in that moment. Rin hadn't wanted the bracelet before; if it meant anything to him he wouldn't have forgotten about it. Besides, it was the last thing Nitori had to remember Rin by, the one thing he had ever bought for the one he valued above himself.

"But it's mine, right? It has an engraving on it." Nitori jumped up, trying to grab the beautiful silver. Of course he failed; Rin was so much taller. "You didn't want it though. If it meant that much to you, you wouldn't have forgotten about it, senpai." The words are mumbled, Nitori fighting back the tears that threaten to spill from glittering blue eyes. Whatever expression his senpai had on his face drained away, revealing shock and realization. "... how much did you spend on this, Nitori?"

"Remember when I got that annoying job as an editor's assistant? I used every single paycheck I got to pay for it. The silver, the sapphires, the amethyst ... they're all real, so it cost quite a bit. But I wanted to get you something nice for your birthday and you seemed to really like it until you got that book from Nanase-senpai. Then you ... forgot about my gift. I found it on the floor under the bed, so I put it in the cupboard you used the least. Out of sight out of mind right?" _Is that how it works for me too? If you can't see me, you don't think of me, senpai?_

"Nitori ..."

He put on a big, fake smile. "Don't worry about it though, Matsuoka-senpai. I'll keep it safe for you so no worries."

A hand pressed against his shoulder, Nitori taking a deep breath. He met crimson eyes, wishing he could just fade away.

* * *

><p><em>[4D] misfit: Dammit. Now <em>I'm _having relationship issues. That friend of mine that I said I didn't have feelings for told me a story today, and I think I'm actually _falling in love _with him._

_still_water: Good or bad?_

_misfit: Horrible._

_torrent: Aw, I think that's sweet! Tell him how you feel!_

_misfit: That's the problem; I can't. I've already hurt him so much that I can't bring myself to do it. He looked so upset today ... I realized how much of a dick I was when I cut off all contact with him._

_still_water: You should just leave the issue then; don't cause him more pain than you already have._

_torrent: But that doesn't solve anything! If you continue to let him hurt, he'll begin to think that no one cares about him. I know all about that, trust me. Don't let him fall into a state you can't bring him back from, misfit. That'll ruin whatever friendship you still have._

_misfit: ... I suppose you're right. Talk to you both later._

_misfit has signed off._

* * *

><p>Rin pressed the wet cloth against his hand, Nitori wincing. The bleeding had stopped but that hadn't dulled the pain. "Senpai, are you happy going to Iwatobi now?" He didn't answer, instead focusing on his current task. Nitori let him, watching the male wrap gauze around the cut. Moments of tense silence passed. Blue eyes tilted upwards to look at Rin. His senpai was staring at him intensely.<p>

"You look thin. Have you been eating properly?" Nitori blinks stupidly before he almost laughs at how absurd the question is. Rin's been absent from his life for two months and he's concerned about his eating habits? "My eating habits have nothing to do with what I asked, Matsuoka-senpai." Said male huffed before looking away. "... Kou told me that you quit swimming."

Nitori pulled his hand away before staring at the floor like it was the most interesting thing in the world. "I didn't see a reason to keep swimming."

"That's ridiculous, Nitori! Just because I left didn't mean you had to stop something you loved!"

"You were the reason I wanted to swim, senpai! Don't you remember? I used to watch you swim all the time and I wanted so badly to be like you, but I knew it would never happen. I tried though, I really did. But you were always two steps ahead of me; there was no way I'd ever be able to catch up ... And so when you went to Iwatobi, I didn't see a reason to keep going. With you gone, my efforts to catch up to you all went to waste!" Nitori shouted the last part, snatching up his journal and bag, and racing away down the beach. Rin had never seen him so angry before. That being said, he made no move to follow the boy.

By the time he reached his dorm, tears stung his eyes and his breath burned his lungs. He entered the room on shaking feet and dropped his bag onto floor. Nitori didn't even glance over at Shi, who was sitting on Rin's old bed, and crawled onto his own. The boy let out a small noise in an attempt to contain his tears. His new roommate didn't speak and for that Nitori was grateful. The tears came in raking sobs and horrid sniffles. No matter what he tried, Nitori couldn't get them to stop. In an effort to escape, the boy allowed himself to sink into something he might've called a nap.

* * *

><p>It was ten, around the time that Nitori decided to go to sleep. He put away everything at his desk, still feeling worn down from his session of crying about three hours ago.<p>

"Are you feeling better now?" It was the first time he'd heard Shi speak since they had met. Nitori turned around to look at the male; he had taken his hair tie out and the long strands were resting around his shoulders. "Y-yeah ... I just needed a moment, no worries." He forced a feeble smile. "Girlfriend break up with you or something?"

"... something like that, I suppose." Nitori rested his chin on the back of the chair, letting out a soft sigh. Shi continued to stare at him which seemed a bit creepy; he grew self-conscious. The boy suddenly stood and wandered to the door, Nitori watching as he locked it. His fingers curled against the chair, a shudder running down his spine; Rin _never_ locked the door. "U-um, Shi-senpai, it's just, we don't ever lock the doors around here. Everyone trusts each other so we don't do it-"

His new roommate glanced back at him with blood-chilling eyes, Nitori falling silent immediately. "There's a reason why I wanted to become your roommate, Nitori. It took a lot of string-pulling but I managed, and with Rin gone, I don't have to be afraid of approaching you anymore. I find that amusing, [2] Death afraid to approach the whiny little Nitori-chan."

He stood, taking a step backwards as Shi made his way towards his shaking body. "S-stay back!" An almost insane smile cracked upon those lips; whatever calm expression Shi had when they met, it was all cruelty now. "I won't go easy on you, Nitori. I'm going to make you _scream_ for Matsuoka to come save you."

* * *

><p><em>[5E] It hurts so much ... But it's not like I can tell anyone. I mean, Shi's so nice and polite to everyone, who would believe me? No one would; no one wants to listen to me anymore. My throat's raw, my hips always hurt, and Shi always ... marks me with his knife. He whispers things about Rin in my ears, things that he thinks I want to do to him. I don't think I can take much more of this ...<em>

* * *

><p><em>No matter how many times I scream Rin's name he never comes to save me.<em>

* * *

><p><em>I'm thinking about what it'd feel like to die. Maybe Shi couldn't hurt me that way ...<em>

* * *

><p><em>I don't think I love Rin anymore.<em>

* * *

><p><em>It doesn't hurt anymore. Nothing hurts anymore.<em>

* * *

><p>It was summer break now, but with some students unable to go home, they stayed at the dorm. Shi took tremendous advantage of this, making Nitori scream until his voice was gone for nearly two days afterwards. Nitori hated his dorm now; Shi was always there, always hovering, always <em>wanting<em>. His dorm was his place of torture and he never ever wanted to go back, but it wasn't like he had another place to go; no friends, no family, no help.

So to say he was surprised when he got a text from Rin a month after their last encounter was an understatement. Despite his newfound hate for the other male, he used it as an excuse to escape Shi for as long as he possibly could. Nitori snuck out while Shi was napping, making his way to Iwatobi as quickly as he could. He wasn't exactly presentable but it wasn't like anyone would notice the marks and bruises; Shi made them on his chest, stomach, and thighs for that exact reason. It wasn't like Nitori went swimming anymore so it didn't matter.

Rin waved him over to the pool when he arrived, Nitori dropping onto the concrete so he could slip his aching feet into the cool water. His former senpai seemed to be the only one here. Nitori cleared his throat. "Everyone else off on summer vacation?" To his luck, his voice sounded normal, clean of pain and the worn tiredness. "Yeah. Makoto and Haruka went to the beach for the day, Rei's stuck in swimming school, and Nagisa's being Nagisa." _So I'm just a last resort to you? That doesn't surprise me._

"How's that new roommate treating you?" Nitori shrugged; he was skilled in the art now. "He's nothing like you but he's fine. The bad thing is he can't help me on my work so I'm pretty much on my own. And I'm stuck with him the entire summer."

Rin swam over, leaning against the edge of the pool. He didn't look at his former senpai, staring instead at the water. "Hey, I know what'll make you feel better. Come for a swim with me, just like old times!" Nitori adamantly refused, shaking his head violently. He pulled his feet from the water and backed up, ready to flee. "No thank you; I'm fine!" Rin smirked, before hoping out of the pool with a speed that Nitori didn't know he possessed. The other male grasped his shirt and he immediately began flailing, trying to get Rin to let go.

Eventually his once-senpai wrestled him to the ground and grabbed his shirt, yanking it up to Nitori's chest. All of the playfulness drained from Rin's face, Nitori throwing his arms over his eyes to shield himself from whatever came next. His body was a mess of thin white scars. Some wounds were fresh while others were barely there. After a moment, he felt gentle fingers trace over a few of them, then around the one Shi had inflicted last night. Nitori took in a sharp breath. "Rin please," he whispered, voice shaking, "Let me go." He chanced a glance, seeing the male's face darken.

"... is this because of your roommate?"

"Please, you'll only make it worse ... Just forget you saw anything." Tears welled in broken blue eyes but Rin would not give up. "Son of a bitch. I'll kill him. _I'll kill him_."

"Rin, I'm asking you, _please stop!_ You didn't care before so don't start now! It ... it hurts too much ... I screamed and screamed for you but you never came to help me, so of course you didn't care. Why would you? You have Haruka and Makoto and Rei and Nagisa, and I'm stuck with an abusive roommate. Our lives are so much different now ... Was I not good enough to remain your friend? You haven't spoken to me, haven't bothered to call or text, not once ... Even if you hated me, you could've at least given me that much ..."

"Nitori ... I don't hate you ..."

Nitori sniffled, still hiding his face. "It seemed like that. You haven't seen me in three months, and then you suddenly want to meet up? I could barely escape as is. He's ... he's going to be furious ..." That's when he caught the sparkle. His eyes widened, heart stopping for a brief second. The bracelet ... Rin was wearing the bracelet ...

"You're not going back to that dorm and that's final, understand?" Nitori looked away again but didn't answer. He didn't answer when Rin picked him up. He didn't answer when the other swimmer carried him to his house. He didn't even answer when Rin phoned the school. He's silent and he's hurting; it took Rin this long to finally understand _what the fuck was going on _and Nitori's so angry and happy about it that he can barely breathe.

Rin handed him a blanket after forcing some food into him, and Nitori fell asleep easily that night; no abuse from Shi and things are so simple.

* * *

><p><em>[6F] misfit: Fuck I am so pissed off!<em>

_still_water: Why's that?_

_misfit: Wait a second ... isn't torrent usually here?_

_still_water: *shrugs* Maybe he's sick or something. Anyways, explain._

_misfit: RIght. The one I was talking about, the one I was developing feelings for, well, I called him to hang out today and it turns out that his fucking roommate is abusing him and when I get my hands on him it isn't going to be pretty._

_still_water: ..._

_misfit: What? Don't 'approve' of my methods?_

_still_water: I was wondering when little Nitori would spill to someone. It's just a shame it had to be you dear Rin._

_misfit: ... fucking hell. You're that son of a bitch Shi aren't you. You've always been Shi, right from the beginning._

_still_water: Ah, smart observation. Surely you've figured out that torrent is Nitori too, right? All of his want for advice was just so he could win you over. All of the things you said about him? It's a good thing he won't ever find out that the mysterious relationship advisor misfit is his precious Rin._

_misfit: You ever fucking touch him again and I'll murder you, understand? _I'll. Murder. You.

_still_water: Good luck with that, Rin~_

_still_water has signed out._

* * *

><p>Nitori woke up to the smell of eggs and bacon. He was confused at first, before he remember where he was. Oh right ... He had met up with Rin and his senpai had discovered all of the scars. The boy took a deep breath and glanced around, blue eyes wide with fright. Was Shi going to jump up out of nowhere at any second? So used to abuse, he jumped when Rin peeked out at him from the kitchen. Rin frowned, making his way to Nitori's current spot. Crimson eyes stared down at the boy before he took a seat next to him.<p>

"... I've been kind of a dick lately haven't I?"

"I'd say so."

"Well ... I'm sorry. I thought that by cutting you out of my life I'd be able to stop the feelings you had for me but I only made things worse. That asshole Shi moved in with you and I didn't even realize who he was until it was too late."

Nitori's eyes widened. "You know Shi aleady?"

Rin gave a small nod, looking away. "Yeah. I can't believe I didn't recognize his name. He was one of the kids I went to school with in Australia. Shi challenged me to a race and I beat him without breaking a sweat and none of the other kids ever let it go. So I suppose his revenge was taking advantage of you, Nitori, and for that, I'm really sorry."

He was ... surprised. The great Matsuoka, _the_ Matsuoka Rin, was apologizing to him. Nitori nearly had a heart attack. "Senpai ... It's alright, please don't worry." And he gave one of his famous smiles, the fake one that chased away all worry. However, Rin didn't buy it, cupping his face in slightly trembling hands. "You don't have to pretend in front of me, Nitori. I know you better than anyone. I know that smile's fake; they're always fake." Blue eyes glittered as he broke contact with Rin, staring at the floor with interested eyes.

"... not when I gave them to you. When I smiled at you, they were always real."

Silence surrounded them, before Rin rose and trotted to the kitchen. He assumed it was to check on the food he was cooking; the other male had always been good at that. Nitori didn't bother to move. He just didn't think that his legs could handle it right now, especially after everything that happened. Who knew he could be so _weak_.

The boy jumped at the brush of fingers, calming after he realized it was just Rin. He took a shaky breath and leaned against the male. His senpai tilted his chin up with a small noise and his expression was nearly unreadable. "It'll be fine, Nitori. Shi will be taken care of and nothing bad will ever happen to you again, understand?"

Rin's words were quiet, and Nitori could sense the underlying promise there.

Gentle lips suddenly pressed against his own, licking against cracks and painful fissures within his own. But Nitori didn't flinch away; this kiss was tender. It wasn't rough and wanting like Shi's were. Rin took it slow, exploring his mouth with careful movements, nipping at his lip with sharp teeth, drawing his tongue along the smaller one with practiced ease. He felt ... safe within his senpai's arms.

Fingers curled within silver hair, tugging gently. Nitori let out a noise of protest and they immediately backed off; the gesture startled him a bit. Rin didn't push the boundary and instead began stroking his head in soothing motions, brushing his fingers through his soft hair, and whispering things that didn't quite fit the situation into his ears. On the outside it was a tender embrace; the words of promise were anything but.

Nitori arched into the soft fluttering of fingertips against his chest, brushing over clothed nipples with practiced ease. Rin moved slowly with a gentleness that the boy barely knew existed. His first experience with sex had been rough and angry and _hurtful_ and he had been afraid of it ever since. But with Rin there to guide him ... He felt like he could truly enjoy it. Nitori took a deep breath as his senpai traced his navel, the skin soft and ticklish, making him squirm. Rin seemed to like that, doing it over and over again. Maybe he loved the way the silver-haired boy's breath hitched. Maybe he loved the little pants escaping pink lips.

A hand pressed against his crotch, warm and inviting and Nitori had to fight against the urge to rub against it. Regardless of whether it was Rin or Shi, Nitori felt like he _had_ to show self-control, to show that maybe he could hold some sort of power as well. Then it moved. A soft cry left parted lips and Rin swallowed it with a twitching smirk. Rin gave a gentle squeeze, feeling the flesh harden beneath his hand, and Nitori struggled to keep still. That stragedy failed miserably.

His senpai shifted and licked his neck, gently lapping at the bruises barely showing on pale skin. He didn't bite; for that Nitori was grateful. With his free hand, Rin began to tug his shirt from his body. It didn't take much to slip it off but when it came free, Nitori shied away. He didn't want Rin to see the evidence of what Shi had done to him. "It's alright. No matter what happens to your body, you'll still be beautiful," the male whispered, breath hot on his neck. Squeezing his eyes shut, he nodded, grateful for the words.

Rin continued with his actions, slipping Nitori's sweatpants from his body with slow movements. Spooking the younger male wasn't high on his list of things to do today. So against his personality of _go go go_ he took things slow and gentle; this was for Nitori after all. He wanted to show his kouhai that sex could be nice and not everyone was an abusive asshole like Shi; Nitori needed to know that.

The bruises on the younger boy's legs made rage bubble in his blood. Shi had ruined Nitori's body in such a horrible way, one that he could never fix, never erase. Rin ran his fingers over them, touches tender. He leaned forwards and kissed Nitori once more, pressing their bodies together. The boy didn't utter a noise, not even a word; Rin figured he was still adjusting to the newfound gentleness. His fingers trailed down Nitori's body again, long fingers wrapping around his half-hard length. He stroked it with slow movements that brought the silver-haired boy into a quivering, panting mess within seconds.

Reluctant to do so, he pulled his hand back with a frown. It wouldn't do if Nitori came too quickly. He stood, stripping out of his clothes in impatient movements. Blue eyes, hazed with lust, stared up at him. The dazed look made him a bit concerned but if Nitori was afraid, he wasn't showing it. At the first sign of fear Rin would stop, simple as that.

He reached underneath the couch, biting his tongue as he searched for the bottle of oil he kept stashed there. Nitori's eyes sparked a bit at the sight; did Shi always take him raw? Rin growled at the thought as he trickled a bit onto his kouhai's hole. It glistened in the morning sun, the older male pressing his fingertip against the opening. Nitori sucked in a sharp breath, trembling. Their eyes met, before he slid the digit into Nitori's body.

Rin noticed the reaction immediately.

"He's never prepared you before has he?" His voice was gravelly, rough-edged and filled with want.

"N-no." Nitori's voice was trembling. Rin kissed the boy's forehead in a soothing gesture.

He watched those blue eyes clench shut as pleasure overtook his body, Rin pressing two fingers into that warm heat. The older male shifted them in his search for the spot Shi probably did his best to avoid. Nitori's cry, one of the few noises he had made, announced his discovery. He continued his actions, wanting to make sure that there was next to no pain when he entered Nitori.

This continued for a good ten minutes, Rin simply drinking in the sounds and quiet moans that filled the livingroom. He took a shaky breath and nudged Nitori's thighs apart so he could settle between them. Letting some oil drip onto his hand, he rubbed his length. Blue met crimson, both of them taking a moment to collect their thoughts; Rin to calm down and Nitori to say whether he wanted to continue or not.

Getting no sign to stop, he pressed into his kouhai's warm body, taking it slow. Nitori's face scrunched up as the head slipped into place. He hissed at the pressure that squeezed his shaft. The silver-haired boy whimpered, Rin kissing the noise away and rubbing his stomach to soothe him as he thrust the rest of the way in. He didn't move again until he got a small nod from Nitori, and even then his movements were slow and measured.

Gasps turned into moans and cries, Nitori clinging to his body for dear life. He attempted to angle in such a way that he struck Nitori's prostrate with every thrust. His method worked; the boy was practically screaming within seconds.

"S-senpai!" The breathy gasp dragged a groan from Rin's lips; he hadn't known how much he'd wanted to hear that. "Pl-ease! Harder!"

Rin did as asked; this was for Nitori after all. He moved his kouhai's legs so his knees were pressed against his shoulders, arms splayed out above his head. His fingers dug into the armrest until his knuckles were white, sweat beaded across his brow as he cried out in ecstasy. The older swimmer wrapped his hand around Nitori's length. It took barely two rough jerks before he came, white-hot trickling down his hand. Rin flicked cum off of his hand and resumed his thrusting. Only when Nitori clenched around him did he lose it, stilling his hips and dragging a moan from him.

He collapsed against his kouhai, panting for air. They stayed like that for a bit attempting to catch their breath. Thoughts thundered through each of their minds; Nitori about what would happen to Shi and Rin about what he and Nitori were now. Nitori was the first to speak.

"Thank you." The words were quiet, but Rin didn't need any other words than those two.

* * *

><p>The following week was a storm of activity. Shi was removed from the school and convicted of abuse. Rin moved back to Samezuka, eager to get life back to normal. Nitori was thrilled; it would finally go back to just being them. They did, however, get a new room; the old one held too many memories for Nitori to go back to.<p>

At the current moment they were lying in their new dorm together, Nitori curled up against Rin's side. He glanced up at his senpai's face, those crimson eyes closed off from him. The boy simply watched for a bit before clearing his throat.

"I love you, senpai, I really really do."

"You don't need to say it out loud, Nitori," Rin whispered, kissing his forehead, "I already know you do. I'm just sorry that I didn't do something about it sooner."

Nitori gave a sweet smile. "There's no reason to be upset anymore. Shi's gone, you're here, and we're happy. That's all that matters." Rin smiled too, in his strange little way.

"Yeah, we're happy." _Shi will never touch you again._

_Fin._

* * *

><p>I know, the page breaks are hard to understand, but I left little notes at the bottom to help you all understand what they're about~ And if anyone was confused, the story took place over a 5-6 month span, from December to summer the next year.<p>

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! Once I started writing this I couldn't stop and all the angst and drama and I just /rolls on floor.

1A; This is a note to Shi, the OC that hated Rin and wanted to hurt him, from the roommate next door.

2B; An internet conversation between Nitori, Shi, and Rin, even though they don't know that yet. Nitori is torrent, Shi is still_water [hence the title], and Rin is misfit.

3C; A few diary entries that Nitori has written, all in a random order.

4D; Another internet conversation between Nitori, Shi, and Rin. Takes place the night after the beach, about an hour before Shi first rapes Nitori.

5E; Diary entries from Nitori over the weeks that Shi abuses him.

6F; The conversation between Shi and RIn before everything goes down.

1. Toppo; reverse pocky, usually a breadstick filled with chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, or any other flavour.

2. Shi is actually the word for Death, so pretty much a play on words I suppose. [Twas also my nickname for a short while. uwu] Also Shi isn't actually this crazy; he's an actual OC that I use and he's actually pretty chill and laidback and just likes to act like an older brother to Nitori and would never actually hurt him but I used him for the story yes yes.


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